My Goal

I homeschool Declan (7) and Rhys (6). Please don't confuse what I do with what many home schooling mom's do; I simply order material from ACE in the States and supervise....most days. I struggle to be consistent and some days wonder if I'm doing them any favours at all.....then I remember doing the same thing with my eldest 3 and they did just great.

Anyway, the beginning of each new PACE starts with "My Goal". It's good to have a goal but despite knowing that, I've not been great at making goals. Meaningful ones. I am a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" kind of gal and that serves me well much of the time and explains why I'm still sane but in the past few weeks I've been thinking I need to change that. If you feel a sudden draft, it's because my husband and children are collectively breathing a sigh of relief.

So, I'm working on breaking some old habits (ugh) and replacing them with new ones, trying not to do too much at once so that I have half a hope of actually seeing some real change. Earlier this week I read Isaiah 58....and read it again. It's a great chapter with lots in it, and there were a few things that stuck out and then I read it again using The Message and something leapt off the page:

8 Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage. 9 Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places.

A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places. I love that.

So how do I achieve this lofty goal?

"If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins, 10 If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. 11 I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places - firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. 12 You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.

Storms

It came in quickly last evening......it wasn't the first time we had a front row seat as the sky darkened and the winds picked up and blew the front door open! I love a good storm; always have. As a kid, I loved listening to the rain on our steel roof; loved sleeping in the tent trailer and listening to the rain hit the canvass and I LOVE the natural light show. Last evening I watched as the wind create "white caps" on the usually quiet river. Boats that had been caught playing headed for home.

Declan, Rhys and Tess were on the one hand curious and on the other hand nervous. Between Dec's comments of "wow, look at that", I could hear Rhys' more quiet "mom, I'm scared". With the way the trees were being whipped about, I didn't want them standing in front of the picture window, so I herded them into the bedroom where Brad was channel surfing.....I think we do more channel surfing than watching t.v....but again, I digress. Carleigh had been away in Toronto for the weekend with Saxon and I had to go and get her at the Fallowfield Station. It hadn't started raining hard...yet, but the wind had blown the recycling down the stairs and so I made my way gingerly, avoiding the broken pickle jar. The wind was still whipping, and there were branches strewn about the yard.

As I drove, the evidence of the storm lay everywhere; branches of varying sizes lay broken where they fell, garbage put out that evening was blowing around freely. Once I turned on Rideau Valley, two fire trucks coming from Manotick drove past in a big hurry......I silently prayed. Not a great time for a fire; never a great time for a fire.

In Manotick I could see pieces of white stuff on the road and thought at first it was hail. Soon enough I realized it was styrofoam that had been blown and beaten into submission and had come to settle beneath the back end of a truck. The streets were quiet, except for cars that were hastening home. I made it without incident to Fallowfield....hummed a few bars of "I See the train a comin'" by Johnny Cash, retrieved my daughter and went home. It didn't take long to clean up the errant recycling, taking care of the broken glass. I made a few frogs nervous.

I got in the house, dried and changed and was walking through the living room to the kitchen when I looked out at the river. The trees weren't blowing, but looked weary and bent from their battering.....they looked as though they were mourning the loss of their broken friends. The once white-capped river seemed abnormally calm. Almost as though there had been no disturbance at all.

This morning the duck family was out front here, making the most of what I imagine the wind had churned up from the bottom of the river. I'm no expert at what happens to a river during a storm, but it makes sense to me that the wind that blew so fiercely last evening, enough to create white caps on this lazy river, was enough to bring some good stuff to the surface! It made me think of the storms that hit our life. Almost always they come as a surprise and seem to bring such ferocity with them; I can only speak for myself, but anxiousness ensues, frantic prayers.....and yes sometimes "why me". Somewhere in that midst of all my frazzled feelings comes a thought; a reminder from where my help comes. The storm may have taken me by surprise, but it never takes my Lord by surprise.

^1-2 I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

^3-4 He won't let you stumble,
your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.

^5-6 God's your Guardian,
right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.

^7-8 God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always. Psalm 121

Panic, pruning, praise.......peace.

Home is.....

I started writing this particular post about 2 years ago, but for whatever reason, never posted it. So, I edited it, provided an update and posted it.....but it didn't post at today's date. So, I'm giving 'er another whirl!

I try not to focus on the fact that we're not at "home"; most days I'm successful. When we were offered the use of the mobile home, we thought (hoped??) that our stay would be temporary - a couple weeks; sort of like an unplanned vacation. We had a service man in to take a look at the furnace when we first got there just days following the fire and in the course of our conversation he asked whether we'd be here come winter. I pretty quickly responded in the negative. That wasn't the plan...... winter seemed such a long way off in April but what seemed a long way off then, doesn't seem far enough away now.

My prayer and goal is to get back into the south wing of our place before winter and I am hopeful that will happen. However, our plans are largely dependent on circumstances that are beyond our control. In order to avoid future disappointment, I have to manage my expectations now. I have to be content and prepared to stay here for as long as that is required. It's in that regard I can learn a thing or two from my youngest children.

We are told that children are "a heritage, a gift or a blessing" given to us so that we might train them up in the way they should go, and yet we can learn so much from them. At least I do. I've had times when I've thought I was revealing some great truth to my kids only to realize that the message was clearly intended for me. We've not had to deal with tears or tantrums about being in a strange or different place. Dec and Rhys went from having their own beds to sharing a mattress on the floor without complaint. We weren't here very long when I heard Rhys refer to the trailer as "home". Though that didn't make me feel all warm and tingly, I realized that my kids are safe and secure when their family is together, wherever that is.

Yesterday Tess was playing in the kitchen, looking through the cupboards yattering away at me. She doesn't care about where she plays or sleeps as long as she is with her family. Her actions reminded me that home isn't as much about where we live, but who we live with; Home is less about a building and more about the people who inhabit it.

Filling in the blanks: I started writing this around the end of June, 2009 and here we are in July of 2011. We transitioned....again....from the mobile to the "house on the river" last August to make room for kids returning home. Here the three youngest share a bigger mattress on the floor....Tess likes sleeping with "her boys" and before we just let her do it, we would find here there anyway. You learn after the 6th or 7th not to sweat the small stuff. In my last post I shared about our first home where we were blissfully happy for the four weeks that we were there. It was never home again following the accident. It needed work to get it winterized and there wasn't time or ability following the accident. Though Brad's practice was thriving before hand, being in hospital for a month followed by weeks and months of physical therapy and recovery that clearly had an affect on his ability to provide legal services,. It was the first time I was faced with the concept of God's provision. Following the hospital stay, friends offered us the use of their basement apartment and then we sub-let an apartment from a lady who went south for the winter. When I was 6 months pregnant, I was diagnosed with Toxemia, which I believe they now call pre-eclampsia. I was put on strict bed rest and my sister moved in with us to take care of me and, much to my dismay, our home. A month or so before Meagan arrived, we moved into my parents' home....this was all in our first year of wedded bliss! Though it isn't the dream of any newlywed couple, we lived happily there til Meagan was 9 months when we bought a wee house in Richards Landing. The family grew and pretty soon we needed more space, so we bought a bigger place just down the road......A change in Brad's employment took us to Gore Bay on Manitoulin Island; we also called Kagawong home for a while. From Manitoulin we ventured north to the Northwest Territories and enjoyed 3 years in Yellowknife. From there to Hatfield Crescent in Orleans, to "the Palace" just south of Kemptville..

The buildings have changed; we've added more children nd have had the privilege of having others make them their home with us too. For me, home is definitely less about a building and more about the people who inhabit it.

Enjoying the Journey

Last evening we had company and were talking about "enjoying the journey". Anyone who has ever had a goal or dream or.....traveled with small children, can relate. "When are we gonna be there" is a question not allowed when we took road trips and we encouraged the kids to "enjoy the journey". I find that I have to remind myself of that; sometimes I can be so focused on what I see as the reward, that I miss so much getting there. Joseph had a dream, but I know that dream didn't include a pit, being sold or doing jail time.

I didn't have a lot of dreams growing up; it just wasn't part of my thinking and it wasn't really encouraged either. I didn't make plans about what I wanted to be or what I hoped to accomplish for God....to be honest, I wasn't sure I could do anything for him. At some point, I did know that I wanted to get married and have a family. I accomplished that one REALLY well! 25 years ago this past June 21 I married a man who treated me as no one else had. He was very different from anyone I knew and he was from "off the Island". When you live on an Island, there are two types of people: Islanders and non-Islanders. You also have "city" people and "country folk", "saved" and "unsaved" and "churched" and "unchurched". We categorize people....it's just the way it is. But I digress.....

So, 21 and married. My husband planned completely on his own an absolutely beautiful honeymoon. We spent 2 weeks on the West coast of this beautiful Country; we drove up the coast and took in the sites; gondola rides up mountains, white water rafting and a lovely cruise back down to the top of Vancouver Island. We did all the tourist things in Victoria and to top it all off, we spent 3 days at Expo in Vancouver before flying home It was a lovely time. While away, Brad had made arrangements for his mobile home to be moved to 400 acres of land he owned north of Sault Ste. Marie; it was a lovely property that included it's own lake and we had plans, dreams of building our home on the mountain with a view of that lake. I had given up my job before we married; we knew we wanted a family and didn't want to grow accustomed to having a second income. Brad's law practice was doing well and could certainly provide for us; we owned our own home and life was good!

We'd been home for about 4 weeks and I went into the office; I can't recall why....perhaps I was filling in for someone. I came home a little early so I could do laundry; Brad was catching a ride with my dad and sister so he could pick up his motorcycle and typically I would go with him, but not on this day. I was at home, puttering around, the radio was on in the background when I heard about an accident on the highway between the Sault and St. Joe. I stopped short and had a gut feeling. I called Kev; he had been Brad's best man and told him what I'd heard. He put my mind at ease and told me not to worry. A short time later he called back to let me know that he'd called the police, but the car involved wasn't a jetta. Whew. I started to breathe again.

It wasn't long after that I got a call from a cousin; he had been on his way home from the Sault and had passed the accident. He saw dad's car and confirmed that they had been involved and the fire and ambulance were at the scene.

I don't remember all of what transpired next.....but I talked to Kev again who told me to stay put and that he'd come and get me. It was the longest wait of my life, to that point. When I arrived at the hospital, they took me into Emerg to see my husband. His head was the size of a pumpkin and his one eye swollen shut. He had been asking for me....repeatedly. He didn't believe that I wasn't with him. In addition to suffering a concussion which mercifully caused him to lose consciousness, he had some rather nasty gashes on his forehead and eyelid that had come very close to his eye. He'd broken his femur and shattered his tibia and fibula. Surgery would be required, but he'd have to spend the night in ICU on what I think was a fracture board due to the more severe injuries of others. After assuring Brad I was fine, which I would have to do again thanks to the concussion, I was taken to see dad. The Sault had two hospitals, virtually side by side and dad was in the other one. Mr. Tulloch held my hand as we walked and prepared me as best he could. Dad had been driving and had taken the brunt of the impact and I was left with the impression that it wasn't known if he would survive. Both femurs were broken, his knee caps busted and the bones in his feet. When they'd x-rayed his pelvis, it was cracked as well. I remember looking at my father's broken body, the ugly colour of him and his legs laying at awkward angles. Mercifully, I can't recall how I felt.

My sister D'Arcy was 16 years old and had been in the backseat. She'd broken her femur as well, but still required two surgeries and spent close to a month in hospital. Brad was next to be released, right around the month mark and dad followed shortly after. As a family, we celebrated; though they only had 2 good legs between them, we hadn't had to stand at anyone's graveside. Even the young man who was in the other vehicle had survived and following lots of surgery told Brad years later that he was "better looking than ever". In addition to some other injuries, all of the bones in his face were broken when he was ejected through the front window. He was a young army recruit, headed west and had fallen asleep at the wheel. He had been just a few bed's down from my dad in ICU and in the absence of family, my mom would go and sit at his side. Over the course of the next weeks we did hear comments about how the accident could have been avoided if......you'd prayed that morning with your husband......you'd been living "right". We people who profess Christ can say the stupidest things at times.

It was while these three were in the hospital that I learned Brad and I were expecting. Somewhere on the coast of Beautiful B.C......sorry. I recall going into ICU to see my dad following a survery so I could share with him the good news that he was going to be a grandpa; he couldn't speak as his vocal chords had been damaged, but he closed his head, squeezed my hand and nodded. The day Meagan was born he walked into my hospital room wearing a sharp new black fedora and a huge grin. He was a proud papa.

I have learned in the last 25 years that I do have dreams; some are relatively small and have been realized and some are "friggin' huge" and have not. There have been many twists and turns along the way....most of them NOT what I would have planned. You see, I don't particularly enjoy difficulty or discomfort; I have no plan on ever jumping from an airplane or tying a bungy cord around my ankle. I am not an adventurer by nature, but I must acknowledge that I have experienced a deeper growth in my faith when I'm knee high in.....manure, 'cause that's when I'm more apt to be relying on God's strength rather than my own. I've had many times when I've come to the absolutely end of myself and have said "ok, Lord....I give. I trust you". I love reminding myself from where God has brought us. It may not have been as history making as the crossing of the Red Sea, but he has shown himself so faithful and I KNOW HE WILL CONTINUE TO BE SO 'cause it's who he is.

I love to travel....love road trips but if I knew before I left Ypsilanti last Friday that I was going to be stuck on the side of the 401 on July 1 with a flat tire, I would have done something about it. But I didn't know.

If I'd known at any juncture along my journey what lay ahead of me, I probably never would have married, forget having a baby....or 8. But I didn't know.

That's why it's a faith walk and not a cake walk! One of my favourite verses is 1 Cor 10:13

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

God has redeemed me; he is in the restoration business and he IS making all things new. I will continue to hope and trust in him and enjoy the journey.

It’s quiet here.

Doesn’t occur often and won’t be for long. Brad, Meagan, Cam and Carleigh have taken Declan and Rhys tobogganing. I stayed behind so that Tess could nap and I could provide you all with this yearly update.

Meagan finished school in April and a couple weeks later, moved to Halifax. She was offered a job through her friend, Alex, with RGIS; an international company that handles inventory. After a few weeks, she was selected to train as a team lead and has run some inventories of her own. She particularly enjoys the travelling aspect of her job and has been to PEI and Cape Breton as well as some other less familiar places. RGIS has its busy season, but by fall Meg needed to find a part time job and landed one at a Starbucks in the Marriott Hotel on the Halifax Harbour. She has had to move a few times and before coming home for Christmas found a new apartment with a co-worker from Starbucks. We like to tease her about the number of moves she’s made and tell her not to get too attached, ‘cause with her track record, she’ll be moving soon.

Benjamin is in half-way through his 3rd year of the Bio-Med program at Ottawa University. He and his dad took a weekend road trip this past summer to three universities that have caught his interest for Med school and is wisely keeping his options open. Ben spent this past summer working on his tan….I mean he was rehired by the landscaping company he had worked for last summer and enjoyed an increase in responsibility. Ben too encountered some transition with respect to a place to lay his head at night and has had to “make do” with his current living conditions. I met Dionne a couple years ago in a ladies life group and she and her family have welcomed Ben into their lovely home. When I saw his walk-in closet, I told him that I could spend the night in there…..I think he thought I was joking!

Noah hasn’t officially moved out but spends as few nights here as possible. He and his friend Thomas have been pals since they met the summer before they began grade 4 at LCA and have again become inseparable. Thomas recently found employment and the boys are looking for digs of their own in the City. I may have to call Mrs. Dauray to see what I should do…..Noah got his truck on the road this year and is enjoying all that comes with the upkeep of a vehicle as well as life as a single guy. Noah works with us in the practice and when he moved back home I moved Tess into the hall way to make room for him; he is that much of a pleasure to have around.

Cam is in his Senior year at OFA and has had a very busy year. He attended 5 football camps this past summer and we put 10,000 miles on the car to do it! Cam’s team won their division this year and went to the state play-offs. He was named Lineman of the Year and was also selected to the North Country First All-Star Team. He was also this year’s winner of the Don Petty Award. The winner of the Petty Award should be an outstanding player, teammate and student/athlete and should exemplify leadership, sportsmanship and outstanding behaviour on and off the field. Cam has received an official invite to a Division II school and is still talking with three other Division I schools.

Carleigh-belle turned 15 this past year, whether mom likes it or not! It has been a big year for her in many respects. She arrived home from school on a day in April to discover that her house was on fire. She has gone from having her own room to sharing her space with whosoever-may-come and Cam on the weekends! Despite these challenges, along with other 15-year-old-girl things, she has shown a lot of maturity and unselfishness and we are very proud of her. Carleigh is often compared to her sisters, and though like both Meagan and Tess in some ways, is very much her own person. There is a lot that falls to her young shoulders when it comes to helping out with the little ones and taking care of dad on the evenings when mom is out.

That brings us to the “Expansion Pack”, as Ben fondly refers to them as. Declan is an old soul in many respects, and takes great joy in the administration of his younger siblings. He began a learning to read program at home this past fall and enjoyed lesson time, for the most part. Rhys learned that while Declan was busy doing a lesson, he could be playing computer games. Rhys is the more social of the two and the most perseverant little boy I have ever had the privilege of parenting. With all the talk of water boarding south of the border, I had thought about offering Rhys’ services to the US Defence Department….grown men would be begging for a quiet cell in Guantanamo. Tess will soon be 2, and is quickly outgrowing babyhood. She is a tiny little thing but loves to eat and also loves clothes; I’m guessing that’s Carleigh’s influence! Whether indoors or out, she is never far behind her big brothers and always manages to make more of a mess than either of them. She is well loved by all of us.

Brad and I enjoyed the opportunities we had to travel in ‘09. We spent a few days in and around Washington while Cam was at a football camp. At the end of July, we took the three youngest and drove to Halifax and spent 5 days enjoying Halifax and visiting various ocean beaches. Brad and I took the four youngest to Niagara Falls before school started and spent a few nights at my sister D’Arcy’s place. We had great fun with the kids at Marine Land and then D’Arcy, Lyle and Holly joined us at a theme park state-side. I haven’t laughed as hard as I did when D’Arcy, Brad and I got in the log ride….it was great fun. In October we were pleasantly surprised with a couple buddy passes and decided to spend a few days in Vegas. We enjoyed great weather, food and entertainment and walked until our legs ached. We arrived home in time to prepare for the next get-away when the family (less Ben and Cam) along with Dan and Thomas headed for Surfside, South Carolina. These get-a ways were definitely highlights for us along with visits from family, Friday night football games and family dinners.

Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am”. I found comfort in the fact that Paul had to learn to be content…..and I look forward to the day when I can echo his words. For now I must be content in the learning and encouraged as I read on……“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

That was the thought that I ended last year’s letter with. This past year will be remembered for many things, good and not so good. The biggest circumstance that affected our family was the fire that uprooted us from our home in April. Friends of ours who used to be neighbours in the mobile home park next to us offered us their empty mobile home. As the weeks have stretched into months, it became evident that we would be spending winter here and as the Christmas Season approached, I did concern myself with some of the traditions that have made for many a memory in the Allison house. In the past, we have enjoyed opening our home up and having folks in for the 5 days following Christmas. For weeks I wondered where we would put a tree, let alone 2 or 3 that was common for us. Where will we all sleep? We have a Christmas Village that Brad has enjoyed building and for each year we’ve been together, we have a building. A few years ago he and Meagan spent much of their Christmas holidays revamping the Village and it now has a lovely Swiss Alps feel to it. Traditions do play a part in our Christmas celebrations, as I’m sure they do in yours, so what happens when one is forced to abandon tradition?
I grew up attending Sunday School and Church and despite the familiarity of the story, I found myself pondering the oft-repeated themes surrounding the Nativity; I imagined how I would react to my teenage daughter telling me that she was with child. I thought about the fact that Mary was a first-time mom. Was she anxious or did she feel peace knowing that she carried the Saviour? I thought about that long ride to Bethlehem on the back of a donkey while pregnant only to arrive and discover that there was no room.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.

The Saviour…..wrapped in cloths…..lying in a manger.

As I drove home Christmas Eve, I was reminded of the humble beginnings that were part of God’s plan for His Son’s and our Saviour’s birth and I was comforted. As I ponder this past year, I am reminded that despite the difficulties and even in the midst of them, I have much to be thankful for. God hasn’t changed, but I think that we have and as we step into a New Year, we look forward with hope and anticipation to all that God has in store.

Killing me Softly

I really admire those who do these blogs daily and seem to write them with complete honesty. I say seem to because of course I don't know what is going on in their thoughts and lives except for what I see and am told. I've had times when I've sat down to write something and couldn't be that honest; with myself or anybody else. There are times when what I'm dealing with doesn't only concern myself, but others and I have a hard time separating my stuff and the things I'm dealing with from the situation itself. Not sure if that makes sense to anybody, but there it is.

Yesterday we went to church as is our practice on Sundays. There is the hustle and bustle that goes on Sunday mornings with kids; both young and not so young. The little ones are early risers and usually awake around 6....sometimes earlier, sometimes a little later but it is safe to say that we don't need an alarm clock. The little ones wake us up and we wake the big kids up. The service we attend now starts at 9:30 instead of 9:00, so we've got that extra 30 minutes which worked out very well yesterday. Then there is feeding, cleaning, clothing, teeth brushing of the youngest three; everyone pitches in so mom can do the same for herself. Big kids get little kids in their car seats and then we all pile in to a couple vehicles for the 50 minute drive to church. Tess and Rhys usually have a wee nap, which makes it a fairly quiet drive in unless, of course, the sun is in Declan's eyes and I have to explain to him why I can't do anything about it.

We arrive usually right on time and file in to a row. Some days I arrive already overwhelmed and distracted: the busyness of the morning; with my own thoughts, my kids or a myriad of other things. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the knowledge that God is so incredibly faithful and I am intensely human.

Yesterday morning I took Declan and Rhys to their program and signed them in. They love going to church and Rhys will ask almost daily if it's Sunday. For this I am thankful; it makes the busyness of the morning so worth it. I came back to the sanctuary and during the course of one song was left feeling unraveled. My kids will tell you that most Sundays I cry. I listen to the songs but rarely can sing them because I have no voice. The words get stuck somewhere between my chest and throat. I've struggled with understanding my emotions and their expression. There was a time when I thought that meant I had been touched but at this point I'm more interested in being changed and I know that doesn't come easily or without struggle. I think of that old Roberta Flack song "Killing me Softly"

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song

Tess got passed down to me and I held her close; another precious distraction. I took her out to the nursery, signed her in and taped her name on her back. I could hear someone saying my name and looked up to see Rhonda. She commented on Tess and how big she was getting. 19 months old this past Friday.....my baby. I waved bye and stepped away. I heard Rhonda ask how I was and I couldn't find words.

The tears came.

I was overwhelmed; unraveled.

I said earlier that I know that God is faithful. When I look back I can see his incredible faithfulness in my life and in the life of my family. He has saved me, loved me, protected me and changed me.....when I've allowed him to. I know his faithfulness and yet there are moments and days when I question it. Days and moments when I am overwhelmed by my circumstance and have to get to the end of myself and those feelings and replace them with his truth. Too often I give in to feeling; good and bad, and find myself in a place where I don't want to be. A place that is far from home, ya know? I have to remind myself that God continues to save me, daily; He loves me when I'm close to him and when I'm far away. He protects me even when I don't know it and yes, He is changing me, a little at a time.

Rhonda asked me what nugget I thought I was learning and I didn't really answer her; at least not very well. Of course there are issues of trust, but I think the further down this road I go, the more I realize my need for God. Not just in the big circumstances of life, but getting through each day; each moment. Without Him, I really am just dust.

Yesterday when I asked Declan what he had learned, he said "we learned about God". This is his typical response; you can almost hear the "duh" at the end of it. It is somewhat lacking in the detail I'm looking for so I questioned him further.

"What about God did you learn, Dec?".

My 5 year old's response: "I learned that I can trust God".

Me too, Dec; I'm learning that too.

Another Milestone

Today we celebrate Noah who was welcomed into the world (and our hearts) by Brad, Meagan, Ben and I. It was a lovely day made only brighter by the safe and early arrival of our boy. I'm not sure what has me feeling so melancholy; perhaps it's because our niece was born just a few days ago and I've been ogling her pictures on facebook. Or perhaps it's because it is yet another reminder of how quickly time marches on. It just doesn't seem possible.....

Noah was born in the midst of the OKA crisis. We were living on St. Joseph Island, about a 45 minute drive East of Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario and the General Hospital. In those days, Highway 17 ran through the Garden River Indian Reservation and the highway did get closed. We declined the offer of a friend to take us into the City by boat and opted for an early induction. Nothing like a standoff to add to the excitement of a hospital run!

Noah was a happy baby and was always smiling.







I like Noah. Yes he's my son and I love him, but I enjoy spending time with him. He is easy to be with, has a great sense of humour and makes me smile. Noah has a good heart and is loyal almost to a fault. He is an independent thinker, which is a great quality though to be honest, there have been times when I've been less than thrilled with that quality. Noah takes people as they are.

Bug, I loved you long before I met you. I've watched you experience 19 years of life close up and I am very proud of the young man that you are becoming.

Happy Birthday!