Modern Day Parables

Yesterday, after being found by an older brother, my 3 year old (who is not yet potty trained) came down the hall wearing a shirt, a slight grin and a bare and very dirty bottom. In one hand he held a dirty wipe.

I can't say that I completely appreciated his effort; fortunately the mess didn't go beyond his body or the wipe he held.

After voicing my lack of appreciation, I took the dirty wipe and disposed of it and ushered him into the bathroom where I continued to voice my motherly concerns and plunked him in the tub. I used the hand held shower head to clean the poop from his hands and the rest of him, and then cleaned the tub. As I ran him a bath, I continued to remind him that when he poops, he needs to come and tell mommy so I can help him.

I'm a mom to 8. Though I don't have to remind 6 of them to come and let me help them clean themselves (they are all trained....well, for the most part) sometimes I do have to remind them of other things.

No matter how much you love and support a friend, you are not responsible for the choices they make.

You are not alone, but are a part of something bigger.

You are destined for greatness.

...and sometimes, when I am frustrated and angry, I remind them that I love them...no matter what. That one is tough and one I need to do with more regularity.

There are times when I wish I could hear God like Rhys heard me....well, perhaps not. God often uses my kids to speak to me and at some point after the clean up was finished, my thoughts turned to myself. When I am dealing with my own stuff, I feel dirty and often alone. Sometimes I think of one or two others who I could go to and there have been times when I have reached out to ask for help. Most often, however, I stuggle with the stuff until I reach a point where there is no where else to go but to the One who made me; the one who knows me and yet loves me....even when I'm covered in filth.

Yesterday, God used Rhyser to get my attention....and I was listening. I need to keep that mental picture of Rhys as a reminder of where I need to go for help first.

Ending 2008 with a New Tradition

We started a new tradition here this Christmas.

Meg, our eldest, shared her thougths this past fall about how she had grown frustrated with how Christmas, particularly the gift aspect of this blessed holiday, was being done in our home. By way of an explanation, the year we had Declan the kids started doing the shopping. I would do the stockings, but they each were given the same amount of money and with those funds, they had to buy something for everybody. They could choose to go together with another sibling or two, or they could do it on their own. Some of the kids added their own funds as well; that was up to them. Everybody did a list so that they each had an idea of what the others wanted.

Meg shared that she had grown weary of the "list" thing because over time the lists had become less of a guide line and more of a shopping list and that it didn't leave room for expression. She believed gifts should be meaningful rather than "items from someone's prioritized, categorized list" and she wanted to separate the idea of shopping from giving. She really explained herself well.

So after some thought, Brad came up with an idea. It was his hope that it would give us a way for Christmas to be more meaningful to us all, while still respecting the notion of giving and receiving gifts.

The proposal related to Brad and I and the older 5. Prior to Christmas, other than stocking stuffers and gifts for the little ones, there would be no shopping; instead, each of us would prepare for Christmas Day by pondering what it is that we could see in each of the others that we really admired or respected, and what we could see that each person had accomplished in the last year. By doing this, we could celebrate each other's character and accomplishments together. We would also speak into one another's future, about what each person's dreams and passions are all about and what we see as the longer term future of each other.

So, on Christmas day, after the little ones were done their unwrapping, we all sat together and did just that. We did have to take a few breaks; there are, after all, 7 of us. There were many laughs and tears; there were moments during that day that I know we will always remember, yet I'd have to think about it if you asked me what I got last year for Christmas. It was shortly after 10 p.m. when we finished the last person; it had been a very full day, indeed, but one that I believe drew us much closer to each other. It was truly inspiring to hear what those closest to me had to say; my children know me very well.

So this will be how we share Christmas Day together in the future.

By the way, we didn't totally abandon the buying of gifts. We did sit together on a second appointed day and thought about what sort of gift, be it sympolic or pragmatic, we could give to each one that would remind them of what was said or assist them in the pursuit of their dreams. The gift suggested for me was a room; a place where I can go to be alone to think and write. The border around the room will read

.....Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets, that the one who reads it may run. For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal, and will not fail, though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay.

.....one of my favourites!

My Big Canadian Family

I am not a regular blogger; I have not made it a habit to sit down and write everyday. I envy (intake of breath) those who do. I enjoy writing, but right now it is more of a tool. I'm not the best at communicating my thoughts and feelings; there seems to be a disconnect somewhere between my brain and my tongue and much to the frustration of those who are close to me, I tend to speak in half sentences. Sometimes I'm sure I've said something, but in reality I've thought it and said little

This past Sunday we had ALL of our family gathered. It was the first time we'd been together in the same space since our time away between Christmas and New Years. It was the first time we'd been together in our home (affectionately referred to as "the Palace) since before Meg and Cam left for their respective countries last September (Meg to the Czech Republic, Cam to the US) and it was the first time we'd all been together since the birth of Tess. Effort, intention and perseverance are words I would use to describe calling all of us together, but we did it. This morning I sat down to send a simple email to give everyone the date of our next gathering.....and it turned out to be a little more than that SO I decided to share it here.

Brad, Meg, Ben, Noah, Cam, Car, Dec, Rhys and Tess too

It was great having you all here on Sunday. I was so looking forward to it; as dad mentioned, you each have had accomplishments this past year and we have much to be thankful for; much to celebrate as a family. Each of you either have or are transitioning into a new place: Meg is settling back into being in Canada after spending 8 months in Europe and will be heading into her final year of undergrad in the fall. Ben has completed his first year of University, has moved out of the house (or flown the coop) and is enjoying making some money. He's also enjoying spending time with a certain special young lady.....Noah has graduated from high school and finds himself single (...right, Noah??). He's looking into some online courses for Sport Management and has already had a couple casual meetings, one that was completely out of the blue. Cam, somewhat like Meg, spent 8 months out of the country and is enjoying his freedom once again. I can't imagine being that close and not being allowed to enter; I'm sure it was harder than any of us thought. Kudos to you, Cam. Carleigh graduated from grade 8 and made the Honour Roll; she also enjoyed her first year of voice. Of course, Dec goes to the washroom like a big boy. Rhys.....well, he's graduated to "big brother".

I wanted to say something the other night, but words failed me. I can't explain to you the thoughts and feelings that I have.....in almost any given day they range as much as your ages do. I have "kids" that are adults who deal with all of the issues involved in being a young adult. Career choices, what school to attend, finding a place to live, work issues, relationships..... I also have "young'uns"....a 4 year old who has a very active imagination and wants to draw and write and colour and learn; a busy almost-three-year-old who is into everything!!! One minute I'm after him for getting into something and the next minute he's got that big, beautiful smile that lights up his face and his arms wide open, looking for a hug and "tiss". "I love you too, mom"!! Well, that's what he is saying, though that's not quite what comes out. Then there is "baby Tess"; you can't help but smile when you look at her 'cause that's what she's doing. Such a happy wee girl.....I love her so much.

I love you all.....so much.

And yet I know that there are times when I frustrate you; there are times when I forget how quickly the time passes and I spend too much time "doing" and not enough time "being"; there are times when I say one thing and yet I do another; there are times when I open my mouth knowing that I am speaking in frustration and I'll end up saying something that I'll later regret.....I know there have been times and there will be times, far too many times, when I'll come to you looking for your forgiveness.

Meg, thanks for taking the time to come. Thanks for driving Cam, Carleigh, Ben and Vanessa here from church and for taking Ben and Vanessa home afterward. Thanks for making the potato salad, too! Ben, thanks for making the time and for sharing Vanessa with us. Thanks for fishing in another pond, honey; she's lovely....deep down lovely! I especially enjoyed looking down that long row of "my kids" and seeing her worshipping! I would love to get to know her more. Thanks for taking the time to throw the football around with Cam. Next time, Ben, we WILL play Euchre!! Noah, thanks for the amazing job you did at cleaning up and for just being you and making me smile. You have a gift, bug; a gift for relating with people where ever they are at. Cam, thanks for the amazing job you did at setting up the table; wow, good silver and everything. I was impressed!! As much as I appreciated your offer to Indian leg wrestle, I'm sure you can imagine why EVERYBODY turned you down. Carleigh, thank you for all of your help with the little people; you are good and sweet and kind, thoughtful and helpful. I could not manage around here without your help.

Brad, thank you for sharing the past 22 years of life with me. Thanks for loving me unconditionally, encouraging me to look beyond what my eyes can see and for supporting me. Thanks for reminding me when I take things (including myself) too seriously.

I was watching some little show on Treehouse TV with Dec and Rhys last night....I don't know the name of it but it was about the Chinese New Year (kinda like a Chinese version of Dora.....). Anyway, there were five characters carrying a dragon. One of them, I think it was a tiger, stomped off in a huff because he didn't think his job was important, leaving only 4 left to carry this dragon only the 4 that remained couldn't do it. The 4 end up encouraging the little tiger of his importance and in the end he comes back to take his place. Pretty simple message....and not a new one in this house, yet it had me thinking.

Each of you is a piece of something bigger here and when one is absent, there is a hole. I realize that you all are at different places and a couple of you don't live here anymore, yet when we all make the effort and take the time to gather together there is SOMETHING that happens just because we're together. I'm already looking forward to the next time, so mark July 20 on your calendar.

Is it too late???

Yesterday I asked my husband if it was too late to change my mind on this mothering thing.....

I was having "a moment"; I've had many over the course of the 21 years I've been a mother, and I expect there will be more. I would love to say that these last three have been easier because of my experience with the first five, but it isn't so. The theory of parenting really isn't that difficult.....I know we have many books that line the shelves of our bookcase with all sorts of great advice on how to deal with anything from getting babies to latch while nursing and sleep through the night to potty training in 3 easy steps to raising boys and dealing with strong willed children..... Like anything in life, the practice of raising children isn't quite as easy.

Today Rhys, our almost-three-year old was on top of his little tikes car. We have a couple of them, which is perfect and saves many an argument 'cause we have a couple little boys. Anway, Rhys was laying on top of his car which was parked next to the couch and was working his way forward to get to the couch. I was sitting there, watching this and at one point offered a warning. Being almost-three, he chose not to listen and though he didn't fall on his big head, he did have an incident which left him walking away limping and whining.....but he did walk away!

Told ya' so.

No, I didn't say it, but I do wonder sometimes when he will learn that I can see what he can't? From my experience, I can honestly say that I don't know when he'll learn, but it won't be from me telling him not to do it but from him getting tired of walking away with a limp. That's how his mother did it.....and still does.

As a mom I have watched my kids make a myriad of choices; some I have heartily agreed with, some I haven't and it doesn't get any easier as they get older, in fact it gets harder.....to shut my mouth; it gets harder, in some instances, to wait until I'm asked for my opinion, to be encouraging and to continue to love each of them unconditionally while they figure things out.

Meg, Ben, Noah, Cam, Car....Dec, Rhyser and baby Tessie too; from the moment you blessed my life I've had to learn to let you go and to allow you to grow. Like you, I'm still learning :0). Thanks for loving me anyway.

Happy Father's Day

Growing up I believed; no, I knew that I had the best dad. Dad was easy to talk to and as the father to three daughters; nothing was off limits. As a little girl I recall going with him to the old A & W drive-in to buy the big jugs of cold root beer and of course, Dairy Queen for buster bars. He was great to take shopping; he had good taste and typically only asked one question: "will you wear it?". What more could a girl ask for? I loved dad's laugh. He was a gentle man; a quiet man. He had an interesting way of responding to questions at times; especially if we were asking permission to do something when he knew that we already knew the answer.....he would just sit quietly. Eventually we'd get the idea and stop asking stupid questions. He was hard working; a good provider. When I reached college, we commuted together. On wintery days when the roads weren't great, he'd get me to drive. I'm thankful that he did that; it has served me well on many an occasion. I have one sort of "frozen in moment" time when I was very young; we lived off of Pim Hill (I think) and I can picture myself running to greet my daddy as he walked home from work.

Growing up, Dad always provided enough rope by which I could hang myself; and he was always there to cut me down, too. I believe that my dad knew most every stupid thing I did, yet he loved me anyway. My dad was the first man in my life to love me unconditionally. Aside from my husband, I don't know of a man who was, and is, as generous as my father; whether it was with his time or his money, he has always been a generous giver.

On December 26, 2002 I got a call advising that my dad had left. I was 37 years old.

The initial shock of the separation was followed by a myriad of emotions: denial, hurt; anger…..of course disappointment. I would find myself staring blankly at pictures, crying and wondering if the memories they stirred had all been a lie. My father; a man that I’d looked up to, who had been one of the biggest influences in my life......the cause of so much pain? My hurt and disappointment wanted to find a place for the blame, and in those early weeks, it rested squarely on my dad. I recall the first time he called here..... I listened and I cried; mostly I cried. I said little, but yet I felt like I'd said too much. It was a difficult time. I actually thought at one point that if I sacrificed my relationship with my father, then he would change. Yeah, that would teach him! Fortunately, I had another thought.

Unmet expectations are difficult to deal with. What do you do when the man you believed to be perfect turns out not to be?? I recall the first Father’s Day after ...... I was struggling, wondering how to honour my dad. I went to church on Father’s Day and our pastor was sharing about his own dad. He shared how he chose to see beyond his father’s faults to the good. It is always easier to see the faults in somebody else; always easier to poke the finger and tell somebody else that they need to change. The Pastor honoured his dad that day and I left with a different perspective. As I think back to that time I am thankful. I do believe that in my questioning and wondering, God opened my mind and my heart and he gave me compassion, helped me to see differently.

I realized that in terms of my relationship with dad there was really only one question I needed to answer: Was I prepared to deny myself, and my children, a relationship with him? Did I want to be so "right" that I was at risk of losing all that was good about this man? The answer to that question was simple. No matter what dad did, does or ever will do that has no bearing on who he is….my dad. The relationship we share today has been tested. It is honest and I cherish it. I respect my dad – he is a good man and I know that he will do anything within his ability for me and mine. I have watched him over my lifetime genuinely care for people. He took his brother into his home when he learned he was dying and now he helps care for his 90 year old parents so they can remain at home. I've watched him walk the floor with Rhys when he was a cranky baby, help Brad clean the basement when the sewer line had backed up (now THAT is love); he's helped me by doing a myriad of things from cleaning to painting, knowing that these things mean a lot to me. 12 years ago he put me on a plane and sent me to my husband and I am thankful that he did. Harold serves; that is what he does…..but it is also who he is.

I may disagree with my dad on some things, but there is far more that we agree on. It is my choice, my pleasure and my privilege to love you dad; I am thankful for the father that you've been; I've learned that the pictures don't lie. I honour you today for the man that you are.

Happy Father's Day, dad.

playing Catch Up

We celebrated Cam's birthday this past Sunday. It was a busy day for him - he had tried out for the Eastern Ontario Under 17 football team and was successful. Sunday was the day they made the final cuts and decided who would be on the starter squad and again, Cam was favoured. He seems to have hit a stride this past year. After many years of "sowing", he is now reaping his reward for all of his (and dad's too) perserverence and hard work.

Ben officially moved out just over 3 weeks ago. The plans he had made for summer employment fell through AND YET he was able to find a great job (even better his mom would say) working for a friend of ours who maintains grounds for many of the schools in this area . Ben has become very familiar with the weight of a weed whipper. He is sporting a lovely tan these days and I was certain when we met up with him Friday evening for coffee that his arms looked bigger.....He is enjoying the hard work as well as the fruits of his labour: a pay cheque and that feeling of a job well done. Ben's plans as to where he would live this summer also fell through, but again that all worked out. He's boarding with friends from church; they know Ben and yet still love him (kidding, honey....). I expect this summer to be a memorable one for Ben as well as a bit of a lesson learned.

Noah is finishing up highschool and looking forward to spending some time on Manitoulin, the "big Island". Having grown up on a neighbouring, Manitoulin (aka "Largest Freshwater Island in the World") was always referred to as the "other Island". My best friend's family hailed from there so it was frequently mentioned.... That was until Brad and I moved to Manitoulin. Now it depends on who we're talking to which Island gets called the "other Island". Noah really had wanted a program at Laurentian in Sudbury, but he didn`t get it, so he's looking at options. Just as with Ben, I know there is something for Noah, we just don't know what it is just yet. Noah is well able to roll with it, though, and he;ll soon have it figured out. Noah is a huge help around here and does most anything he's asked. He's good in the kitchen and does a great job on the barbecue, thank you very much!

Carleigh is finishing up grade 8 and will be a minor niner next year. She will continue her half french immersion program at St. Mikes. She has a number of other "cute and sometimes mind-numbingly silly" friends!! Do you remember 13?? Did I mention she is blonde?? Sorry Car. She can't leave a room (or get off the phone) without declaring her love for whoever she is speaking to. She is good and sweet and kind and makes up for all of the testosterone around here. Carleigh is finishing up her year of voice lessons and we'll soon be attending her recital and then her exam. She's a huge help around here with the little boys (who do try to take advantage of her); she took on bath time when Declan was just a baby and has been doing it ever since, bless her heart.

Meagan arrived home after enjoying a year abroad.....and is already planning her next trip. She had a great year; she did a lot of growing up and has returned home even more confident then when she left. She met her baby sister for the first time and we enjoyed her for two weeks before she left with her U-Haul, Peterborough bound. She is working at Elmhirsts' Resort; she worked there last year and they were happy to have her back.

The 3 little ones.....ya' know, I grew up one of three and always said I'd never have "just three". Well, we had the "3 older ones", then we had 3 boys in a row and now I have "3 little ones". NEVER say never.... The boys continue to provide us with countless stores whether it's Declan's imagination and creative way with words or Rhys' antics.....there is rarely a dull moment. Thankfully, Rhys seems to be over his "wake up at all hours of the night" phase. They are early risers, all of ours were, but he hasn't been up before 5 in a while and a couple mornings ago we didn't see him til 6:30!

At four months, Tess is sleeping through the night. The boys go to bed at 8 p.m. and Tess closely follows, waking shortly before or after them. She is such a pleasure; a happy, content little girl who loves to talk to her dad (or anybody else listening....or not!) and has a quick smile. The only thing we've found that she doesn't like is her car seat. It's what keeps her from being perfect! I have found that I am able to block her out, but others find her screaming somewhat disturbing. Rhys or Declan are good about letting me know when she's crying, just in case I didn't hear her. They love her to bits.....though Rhys somewhat less gently than Dec! They frequently ask if they can hold her "all by myself".

They are a blessing.....all of them, though there are days when I have to remind myself that I chose this. When I have thoughts of "what have I done" or start to feel sorry for myself I remind myself that I was the one who wanted more. Yes, I have a husband, but I was the one who actually prayed for more. I wept for another baby. I was the one who had to go through the whole process of the tubal reversal.....I had to convince not only my doctor, but we had to convince the surgeon that we were not crazy, because I wanted more; and God heard my prayer and he answered it with.....more. Despite all of that, there are days and moments when I have to remind myself. The rest of the time I do realize I have been blessed and favoured.

Our summer isn't a crazy one in terms of the practice, but with Brad's court schedule, Cam's football schedule, Meg, Ben and Noah's work schedules, finding time as a family has become an issue. I've instituted monthly family dinners over the course of the summer to ensure we do get to spend some time together; to catch up and to spend a bit of time enjoying one another. Though I do not regret choices made in the past year, it wasn't always easy having Meg in another Country, too distant to see; Cam in another Country, not able to enter Canada and the others off in different directions. They're growing up and it is hard to believe it has come to this...but ya' gotta roll with it and I'll make whatever concessions I need to make in order to get us all together once a month!

Another Step.....

I found this in draft and thought that despite being written in April, the 22nd I believe, I'd post it.

Just got a call from Cam. He and Brad left this morning at 5:30 for his Visa interview in Montreal.

It's done! He's in! He doesn't just have a Visa (or Green Card), but once his feet touch U.S. soil he is deemed to be an American Citizen (so he'll have Dual citizenship like me) because he is the son of one. We can apply for his SSN and U.S. Passport anytime.

So, the big boy with the big dream of playing in the NFL is one step closer! Having the dream is just the first step, and a relatively easy one; walking it out is another. I do believe that even if Cam never steps foot on the football field as an NFL draft pick, he has succeeded because he is running his race.

Ya know this whole process, like much in life, has really been and continues to be a learning experience....not only for Cam, but for me as well. Some of my ideas about God and His will have been challenged; ideas about how He leads, guides and directs my life have been challenged and have changed. My husband, my kids, people I'm in relationship with, both past and present, have had a huge effect. How often do I sit on the sidelines waiting for the path to light up before I take a step?

I am continuing to learn about sacrifice and as a family we continue to work together to help achieve the goals of one another. Meg will soon be home after having spent her school year in the Czech Republic. Ben is close to completing his first year of university and is a step closer to his dream of becoming a doctor....and on it goes. God's will for our lives is rarely the easiest journey to take; but I do believe if we continue to, as my husband says, "put one foot in front of the other", it is where we will learn the most and where His plans for our life "work together" for our good.