2010-01-02

It’s quiet here.

Doesn’t occur often and won’t be for long. Brad, Meagan, Cam and Carleigh have taken Declan and Rhys tobogganing. I stayed behind so that Tess could nap and I could provide you all with this yearly update.

Meagan finished school in April and a couple weeks later, moved to Halifax. She was offered a job through her friend, Alex, with RGIS; an international company that handles inventory. After a few weeks, she was selected to train as a team lead and has run some inventories of her own. She particularly enjoys the travelling aspect of her job and has been to PEI and Cape Breton as well as some other less familiar places. RGIS has its busy season, but by fall Meg needed to find a part time job and landed one at a Starbucks in the Marriott Hotel on the Halifax Harbour. She has had to move a few times and before coming home for Christmas found a new apartment with a co-worker from Starbucks. We like to tease her about the number of moves she’s made and tell her not to get too attached, ‘cause with her track record, she’ll be moving soon.

Benjamin is in half-way through his 3rd year of the Bio-Med program at Ottawa University. He and his dad took a weekend road trip this past summer to three universities that have caught his interest for Med school and is wisely keeping his options open. Ben spent this past summer working on his tan….I mean he was rehired by the landscaping company he had worked for last summer and enjoyed an increase in responsibility. Ben too encountered some transition with respect to a place to lay his head at night and has had to “make do” with his current living conditions. I met Dionne a couple years ago in a ladies life group and she and her family have welcomed Ben into their lovely home. When I saw his walk-in closet, I told him that I could spend the night in there…..I think he thought I was joking!

Noah hasn’t officially moved out but spends as few nights here as possible. He and his friend Thomas have been pals since they met the summer before they began grade 4 at LCA and have again become inseparable. Thomas recently found employment and the boys are looking for digs of their own in the City. I may have to call Mrs. Dauray to see what I should do…..Noah got his truck on the road this year and is enjoying all that comes with the upkeep of a vehicle as well as life as a single guy. Noah works with us in the practice and when he moved back home I moved Tess into the hall way to make room for him; he is that much of a pleasure to have around.

Cam is in his Senior year at OFA and has had a very busy year. He attended 5 football camps this past summer and we put 10,000 miles on the car to do it! Cam’s team won their division this year and went to the state play-offs. He was named Lineman of the Year and was also selected to the North Country First All-Star Team. He was also this year’s winner of the Don Petty Award. The winner of the Petty Award should be an outstanding player, teammate and student/athlete and should exemplify leadership, sportsmanship and outstanding behaviour on and off the field. Cam has received an official invite to a Division II school and is still talking with three other Division I schools.

Carleigh-belle turned 15 this past year, whether mom likes it or not! It has been a big year for her in many respects. She arrived home from school on a day in April to discover that her house was on fire. She has gone from having her own room to sharing her space with whosoever-may-come and Cam on the weekends! Despite these challenges, along with other 15-year-old-girl things, she has shown a lot of maturity and unselfishness and we are very proud of her. Carleigh is often compared to her sisters, and though like both Meagan and Tess in some ways, is very much her own person. There is a lot that falls to her young shoulders when it comes to helping out with the little ones and taking care of dad on the evenings when mom is out.

That brings us to the “Expansion Pack”, as Ben fondly refers to them as. Declan is an old soul in many respects, and takes great joy in the administration of his younger siblings. He began a learning to read program at home this past fall and enjoyed lesson time, for the most part. Rhys learned that while Declan was busy doing a lesson, he could be playing computer games. Rhys is the more social of the two and the most perseverant little boy I have ever had the privilege of parenting. With all the talk of water boarding south of the border, I had thought about offering Rhys’ services to the US Defence Department….grown men would be begging for a quiet cell in Guantanamo. Tess will soon be 2, and is quickly outgrowing babyhood. She is a tiny little thing but loves to eat and also loves clothes; I’m guessing that’s Carleigh’s influence! Whether indoors or out, she is never far behind her big brothers and always manages to make more of a mess than either of them. She is well loved by all of us.

Brad and I enjoyed the opportunities we had to travel in ‘09. We spent a few days in and around Washington while Cam was at a football camp. At the end of July, we took the three youngest and drove to Halifax and spent 5 days enjoying Halifax and visiting various ocean beaches. Brad and I took the four youngest to Niagara Falls before school started and spent a few nights at my sister D’Arcy’s place. We had great fun with the kids at Marine Land and then D’Arcy, Lyle and Holly joined us at a theme park state-side. I haven’t laughed as hard as I did when D’Arcy, Brad and I got in the log ride….it was great fun. In October we were pleasantly surprised with a couple buddy passes and decided to spend a few days in Vegas. We enjoyed great weather, food and entertainment and walked until our legs ached. We arrived home in time to prepare for the next get-away when the family (less Ben and Cam) along with Dan and Thomas headed for Surfside, South Carolina. These get-a ways were definitely highlights for us along with visits from family, Friday night football games and family dinners.

Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am”. I found comfort in the fact that Paul had to learn to be content…..and I look forward to the day when I can echo his words. For now I must be content in the learning and encouraged as I read on……“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

That was the thought that I ended last year’s letter with. This past year will be remembered for many things, good and not so good. The biggest circumstance that affected our family was the fire that uprooted us from our home in April. Friends of ours who used to be neighbours in the mobile home park next to us offered us their empty mobile home. As the weeks have stretched into months, it became evident that we would be spending winter here and as the Christmas Season approached, I did concern myself with some of the traditions that have made for many a memory in the Allison house. In the past, we have enjoyed opening our home up and having folks in for the 5 days following Christmas. For weeks I wondered where we would put a tree, let alone 2 or 3 that was common for us. Where will we all sleep? We have a Christmas Village that Brad has enjoyed building and for each year we’ve been together, we have a building. A few years ago he and Meagan spent much of their Christmas holidays revamping the Village and it now has a lovely Swiss Alps feel to it. Traditions do play a part in our Christmas celebrations, as I’m sure they do in yours, so what happens when one is forced to abandon tradition?
I grew up attending Sunday School and Church and despite the familiarity of the story, I found myself pondering the oft-repeated themes surrounding the Nativity; I imagined how I would react to my teenage daughter telling me that she was with child. I thought about the fact that Mary was a first-time mom. Was she anxious or did she feel peace knowing that she carried the Saviour? I thought about that long ride to Bethlehem on the back of a donkey while pregnant only to arrive and discover that there was no room.

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.

The Saviour…..wrapped in cloths…..lying in a manger.

As I drove home Christmas Eve, I was reminded of the humble beginnings that were part of God’s plan for His Son’s and our Saviour’s birth and I was comforted. As I ponder this past year, I am reminded that despite the difficulties and even in the midst of them, I have much to be thankful for. God hasn’t changed, but I think that we have and as we step into a New Year, we look forward with hope and anticipation to all that God has in store.

2009-09-07

Killing me Softly

I really admire those who do these blogs daily and seem to write them with complete honesty. I say seem to because of course I don't know what is going on in their thoughts and lives except for what I see and am told. I've had times when I've sat down to write something and couldn't be that honest; with myself or anybody else. There are times when what I'm dealing with doesn't only concern myself, but others and I have a hard time separating my stuff and the things I'm dealing with from the situation itself. Not sure if that makes sense to anybody, but there it is.

Yesterday we went to church as is our practice on Sundays. There is the hustle and bustle that goes on Sunday mornings with kids; both young and not so young. The little ones are early risers and usually awake around 6....sometimes earlier, sometimes a little later but it is safe to say that we don't need an alarm clock. The little ones wake us up and we wake the big kids up. The service we attend now starts at 9:30 instead of 9:00, so we've got that extra 30 minutes which worked out very well yesterday. Then there is feeding, cleaning, clothing, teeth brushing of the youngest three; everyone pitches in so mom can do the same for herself. Big kids get little kids in their car seats and then we all pile in to a couple vehicles for the 50 minute drive to church. Tess and Rhys usually have a wee nap, which makes it a fairly quiet drive in unless, of course, the sun is in Declan's eyes and I have to explain to him why I can't do anything about it.

We arrive usually right on time and file in to a row. Some days I arrive already overwhelmed and distracted: the busyness of the morning; with my own thoughts, my kids or a myriad of other things. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the knowledge that God is so incredibly faithful and I am intensely human.

Yesterday morning I took Declan and Rhys to their program and signed them in. They love going to church and Rhys will ask almost daily if it's Sunday. For this I am thankful; it makes the busyness of the morning so worth it. I came back to the sanctuary and during the course of one song was left feeling unraveled. My kids will tell you that most Sundays I cry. I listen to the songs but rarely can sing them because I have no voice. The words get stuck somewhere between my chest and throat. I've struggled with understanding my emotions and their expression. There was a time when I thought that meant I had been touched but at this point I'm more interested in being changed and I know that doesn't come easily or without struggle. I think of that old Roberta Flack song "Killing me Softly"

Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song

Tess got passed down to me and I held her close; another precious distraction. I took her out to the nursery, signed her in and taped her name on her back. I could hear someone saying my name and looked up to see Rhonda. She commented on Tess and how big she was getting. 19 months old this past Friday.....my baby. I waved bye and stepped away. I heard Rhonda ask how I was and I couldn't find words.

The tears came.

I was overwhelmed; unraveled.

I said earlier that I know that God is faithful. When I look back I can see his incredible faithfulness in my life and in the life of my family. He has saved me, loved me, protected me and changed me.....when I've allowed him to. I know his faithfulness and yet there are moments and days when I question it. Days and moments when I am overwhelmed by my circumstance and have to get to the end of myself and those feelings and replace them with his truth. Too often I give in to feeling; good and bad, and find myself in a place where I don't want to be. A place that is far from home, ya know? I have to remind myself that God continues to save me, daily; He loves me when I'm close to him and when I'm far away. He protects me even when I don't know it and yes, He is changing me, a little at a time.

Rhonda asked me what nugget I thought I was learning and I didn't really answer her; at least not very well. Of course there are issues of trust, but I think the further down this road I go, the more I realize my need for God. Not just in the big circumstances of life, but getting through each day; each moment. Without Him, I really am just dust.

Yesterday when I asked Declan what he had learned, he said "we learned about God". This is his typical response; you can almost hear the "duh" at the end of it. It is somewhat lacking in the detail I'm looking for so I questioned him further.

"What about God did you learn, Dec?".

My 5 year old's response: "I learned that I can trust God".

Me too, Dec; I'm learning that too.

2009-08-31

Another Milestone

Today we celebrate Noah who was welcomed into the world (and our hearts) by Brad, Meagan, Ben and I. It was a lovely day made only brighter by the safe and early arrival of our boy. I'm not sure what has me feeling so melancholy; perhaps it's because our niece was born just a few days ago and I've been ogling her pictures on facebook. Or perhaps it's because it is yet another reminder of how quickly time marches on. It just doesn't seem possible.....

Noah was born in the midst of the OKA crisis. We were living on St. Joseph Island, about a 45 minute drive East of Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario and the General Hospital. In those days, Highway 17 ran through the Garden River Indian Reservation and the highway did get closed. We declined the offer of a friend to take us into the City by boat and opted for an early induction. Nothing like a standoff to add to the excitement of a hospital run!




Noah was a happy baby and was always smiling.







I like Noah. Yes he's my son and I love him, but I enjoy spending time with him. He is easy to be with, has a great sense of humour and makes me smile. Noah has a good heart and is loyal almost to a fault. He is an independent thinker, which is a great quality though to be honest, there have been times when I've been less than thrilled with that quality. Noah takes people as they are.

Bug, I loved you long before I met you. I've watched you experience 19 years of life close up and I am very proud of the young man that you are becoming.

Happy Birthday!

2009-05-28

I know He Watches Me


Music for me is such a comfort and I find that when I'm struggling with something, whether it's a situation or just my own negative thinking, a verse of one song or another will come to mind. Often it's a few words of an old hymn. This morning it was "His Eye is on the Sparrow". As with many of the old hymns, there is a story behind this song.

Early in the spring of 1905, Civilla Martin and her hus­band were sojourning (great word meaning "to stay as a temporary resident") in El­mi­ra, New York. They began a friend­ship with a cou­ple by the name of Mr. and Mrs. Doo­lit­tle. Mrs. Doo­lit­tle had been bed­rid­den for close to twen­ty years and her hus­band was crippled and got around in a wheel chair. De­spite this (there is a lot said in those two words), they were hap­py, and brought in­spir­a­tion and com­fort to all who knew them.

One day while the Martins were vi­sit­ing with the Doo­lit­tles, Dr. Martin com­ment­ed on their hope­ful­ness and asked them for the se­cret of it. Mrs. Doo­lit­tle’s re­ply was sim­ple: “His eye is on the spar­row, and I know He watch­es me.” The beau­ty of this sim­ple ex­press­ion of faith gripped the hearts and fired the imag­in­a­tion of Dr. Mar­tin and his wife and this hymn was the out­come of that ex­per­i­ence.

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.


Psalm 84:3 Even the sparrow has found a home,and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young—a place near your altar,O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.

2009-05-20

Waiting.....


Here we are, May 20; 1 month and 3 days post fire and we continue to wait.

Fast Eddies started out as their name described, but have definitely slowed as time has gone on!! The second story has been removed, but the rear storage area and the kitchen have not been cleaned out. We continue to wait for a wall to be put up at the end of the south wing and power restored to that area so that we can get it cleaned. At that point the offices would be usable again and Dan and Noah could move back in....if they wish to. Brad has been in discussions with the adjuster about a temporary roof, but their idea of temporary involves hiring an engineer who who will take 3 - 4 weeks to provide his report....gah!

For now we continue to live and work out of the mobile. Most days it's just fine, but on "those" days (particularly rainy ones) the walls seem to close in on an already much smaller space than we are accustomed to! Maintaining a positive outlook is certainly key though I have had moments over the past couple weeks when I felt anything BUT positive. I have to work at keeping my expectations in check; this will be home for a while. The silver lining??? Thank you Lord that it's not winter!!

In this fast paced, microwave culture we live in where you can be in touch with anybody at the speed of a text or a twitter, watch television from your blackberry or iphone and shop without leaving the comfort of your living room, waiting isn't convenient. It is disruptive and can leave me feeling.....how shall I say it...out of control.

And therein lies the rub.

The lack of control and not knowing "how long" can bring me pretty close to those limits. In the moments when I find myself there I have to still the voices in my head that demand to be satisfied NOW.....and focus again on what's truly important. More of your grace, Lord, so that I can continue not only to wait, but wait well.
If life's circumstances are God's opportunities to assist us in realizing our deep need for him, then it really is him that I wait for. Isaiah 40:31 says "Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary."

I don't write 'cause I have all the answers but I do tend to write when I'm looking for one. Something happens in the process and once again I am reminded of God's continued faithfulness in my life.

Ever find yourself in a place of waiting?

2009-05-03

Two weeks, two days.....and counting.


A couple days ago I was trying to think of a scripture passage but couldn't quite grasp it. I was sure it was in Psalms, but it seemed to lie just beyond the edge of my memory....Have you every tried to hunt down a scripture without a concordance? Thank heaven for Google and online Bibles!!

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord,who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121: 1-3
I didn't go to bible college and I don't know why the books of the bible are arranged in the order that we find them, but I have always found it interesting and incredibly cool that the Psalms follow the book of Job....coincidence? I think not!

This past week the ladies in the lifegroup that I'm a part of blew me away with their graciousness. The encouragement they provided was right on:

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Yet the righteous holds to his way, and he who has clean hands grows stronger and stronger. Job 17:9
Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them. Isaiah 42:9
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6, 7
In the midst of our present circumstances, life certainly does go on. Carleigh is back with us and Meagan and her friend Alex left yesterday morning for Halifax. Alex is there for two months, and Meg hopes the new job will work into some management experience for her so that she can go back to school for her MBA. Halifax is such a beautiful city; I`m sure they will have a great summer and I can`t wait to go visit (and eat some great seafood!). We`ve set up a temporary office in the mobile; we`ve gone from about 7,000 or 8,000 square feet where everybody had their own room and office as well as a weight and exercise room to approx 1,200 square feet. There are certainly moments of frustration (running an office with 3 under the age of 5 in close proximity is fun), this is a great location for us and we are thankful for the use of it. We had our first family dinner here Friday and fed 14....most of them ate outside!

The demolition of the centre portion of our place is scheduled to begin Monday. A barrier wall will be put up at the end of the south wing and an electrician will get hydro service back up and running. My understanding is that at that point we`ll be able to get the south end (bedrooms and offices) cleaned so that we can use that space. Brad continues to deal with the insurance adjuster. We`ve enjoyed a good laugh when people have shared with us their lawyer jokes.....some of them are actually funny. They are usually jokes where the profession is interchangable with car or insurance salesmen; you know what I mean. I think insurance adjusters could be added to that list as well. *Heavy sigh

I think for the most part we are keeping an upbeat attitude...there have been times when I`ve had to ask God for more of his grace; it`s a good thing he has a bountiful supply.

Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers.

2009-04-27

Post-fire Update


Brad and I, along with Declan, Rhys, Tess and Meagan are currently staying in the mobile home park right by our place. Friends of ours had moved out before Christmas and offered it to us; we are thankful that we can be close to our place so we can keep an eye and oversee the work that gets done. Meagan heads out Friday for Halifax and her new job! Noah and Dan are staying with the Kelly's, Carleigh has a room at a friend's house just minutes away and Ben boards with Donnie and Lauren and will continue to do that while he works with Ray this summer.

Many have asked what they can do to help but until we finalize things with the insurance company, there really is little to be done! Brad, Dan and the older kids spent Saturday moving our belongings out of the main area of our place where the significant damage was done. Our offices and bedrooms were located in the south wing of our building and only sustained smoke damage, and fairly minor damage at that. In fact, we are using two of the beds that were taken from that wing here at the trailer, and they don't smell at all. The furniture from the main living room and tv area has been tossed; furnishings haven't been a big priority in the Allison household and simply were not worth cleaning. Friends of friends provided a pull out couch and a love seat; Dan brought over one of the chairs from his room that has no smoky smell and Noah and Casey cleaned one of the tables that had survived so we have room to sit and eat. Our large dining table was broken, but its days were numbered. I'm holding out for one of those big harvest tables!!

The trailer is equipped with fridge, stove, washer and dryer. It has satellite still hooked up, so we didn't lose treehouse t.v. (thank the Lord) and Brad has been enjoying the playoffs in the evenings. There are air conditioners at either end of the trailer for our added comfort, though we only had one on for a short time on Saturday evening. We've set Brad's computer up here and brought the printer/copier over so that we can run the office and we're able to retrieve messages from our office phones despite the fact that there is no hydro over there. Not sure how that works!

Our greatest need at this point to reach a settlement with the adjuster. We would like to be dealt with reasonably and fairly, but for the first week after the fire all we heard from the adjuster was what our policy did not cover. That gets a little frustrating after a while, so we'd appreciate prayer in that regard. Once a settlement is reached, we will then have decisions to make, and help may well be needed at that point. We have options and that is great. I will continue to post here when there is something to share.

We appreciate your continued thoughts and prayers. We see this as an opportunity for a real good Spring cleaning! I walked the building and property yesterday and when I was outside I coudn't help but notice that the fire took out all of the old dead grass and revealed the new green grass that was underneath. I love analogies, and that spoke to me. Just like you can't put new wine in old wineskins, it had been impossible to see that new growth when the old stuff was there.

We lost some stuff, but stuff is replacable; nothing of any value to us was lost. I am sooooo thankful that Declan not only smelled smoke, but was smart enough to realize there was something not right and alert me to it. He's my hero.

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fearGladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When what youve done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fearGladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound Ive been set free
Ive been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fearGladness for mourning
Peace for despair